Tuesday was her 2 month check up which means SHOTS. As the day crept closer and closer I suprised myself by remaining calm. As a nurse, and typically the "mean lady" who stabs patients with 3 inch needles quite routinely I was bound and determined to NOT be a cry baby in the pediatricians office. I did not want a sticker and lollipop being offered to ME to help calm me down. They are necessary for her health and I was going to be CALM and COLLECTED.
I was so set on being cool as a cucumber I told Jason there was "no need" for him to come with "we will be just fine." Famous last words. Besides, we were so prepared we already had a bottle of Baby Tylenol on the counter.
The night before her appt. poor baby broke out in a diaper rash. Great. She has only had a teeny tiny diaper rash one other time in her 2 month life but this one looked BAD. She would scream bloody murder when we put the cream on her which made us think it was burning, so we had to rush out and buy "special cream" that would not burn but nip the rash in the bud. Great. Right before the Dr apt. Crappy parents.
The morning started off great. I had given Maddy her bath the night before so we could eliminate that morning ritual (I'm telling you people, I had this all mapped out for success). I woke up early to get my breakfast and coffee down before the beast awoke. We had our morning stroll, tummy time and play time all complete with giggles and smiles. It was going to be a smooth day.
Then began the worst 3 hours of poor babykins life. Stupid mommy noticed that Maddy's fingernails were quite long. Usually I'm on top of her boogers and long fingernails but I guess I've been slacking. WELL--baby CAN'T go to the dr with long fingernails; what on earth would Dr. Shaw think?! So I began clipping. Baby jerked. AND I SLICED HER FINGER OPEN.
She screamed, I screamed, she sobbed, I sobbed. There was blood everywhere. On her bib, on her carefully picked out outfit, on her face, all over her hand. I couldn't get it to stop bleeding. IT WOULD NOT STOP BLEEDING! (This is of course, 20 minutes before we're supposed to leave the house). I was FRAZZLED. Finally I wrapped a Band-aid around the wound and put her in her Bumbo chair because I had to pump.
So. Picture this. Frazzled Mommy crying sitting at the table pumping while baby sits in her chair with a giant Band-aid getting soaked through with blood on her tiny finger sniffing and looking pitiful. Then baby decides to get mommy back for ripping her finger off and POOPS AN EXPLOSIVE POOP that not only shot up her back but exploded out of her diaper and got all over her Bumbo chair. Frazzled Mommy jumps up and in the process ends up SPILLING BREAST MILK ALL OVER HER PANTS.
Yes. This really happened. We were supposed to leave 5 minutes ago.
So. Not only did I have to change my clothes, I had to change everything on Maddy, wipe all the poop off, clean the blood off that covered her face, somewhat clean her bleeding finger and tend to her diaper rash.
We finally presented to the MD office
-Dried bloody finger
-Long fingernails on the hand I didn't clip.
Though the doc gave her a clean bill of health and told me to "not worry about the finger, every mom does it at some point" and that her "diaper rash is barely there, just keep putting cream on it" I felt like a failure. Needless to say when the nurse came to give Maddy her shots, I was more than willing to help her so we could get the h outta there.
I held her chubby little thighs as the nurse dove in with her daggers. Maddy screamed. I held strong. All proud of myself we walked out of the office until I realized:
I was the mean guy who held down her legs. Sigh. Hope she forgives me.
Jason can take her next time.
Snuggling with her Draggy
Waiting for her shots.
She said she forgives me
Snuggles with Grandpa