Monday was her first day of school.
And YES, I know I am referring to the place we are voluntarily dumping Maddy every day as "school" but......"Learning Center" is in its title and they do learning exercises every day with the babies. And they use the Abeka curriculum. So quit judging and let me call it "school" to emotionally deal with the fact that I abandon my child. By choice. Every day. For a "better job." How lame.
No, but seriously----My prayers (and half of northeast Florida was praying for us) were totally answered. Not only did she have a GREAT day, she barely said "bye bye" to Da-Da when he dropped her off and only half-waved. Jason was walking out while Maddy was literally smashing & knocking a (smaller) kid down to get to the toys on the shelf. The teacher was saying "nice touch, Maddy, NICE TOUCH!!!" as he was leaving.
Okay, so let me back track....and update ya'll.
Basically, I was going crazy doing night shift on an increasingly crap-tastic floor. Without sleeping prior. OR after. All to take care of Maddiest. I know this was my choice. And I do not regret for one second that I was able to work full time and spend 9.5 months caring solely for my kid. However, I was seriously considering antidepressants (to deal with sleep deprivation side effects) and Jason was considering joining our church's "Single Parent's Group." Not really, but you get the idea.
Let's just say that the vision I have in my head of myself is an overweight, crabby, frumpy, b*tch with huge bags under her eyes. And baby food smeared on my clothes. Gross.
So, Jason (being very supportive through this process-----i would TOTALLY not stay with me if I were him) literally found me this dreamy too-good-to-be-true job @ Mayo Clinic. No holidays. No weekends. 4 Days/wk. Cushy. Better pay. Better benefits. Better environment. Still in my Heme/Onc specialty. So I applied. And had a 3 hr interview.
AND GOT THE FREAKING JOB.
Jason saw visions of a better marriage in his head while I saw visions of normal work hours and sleeping while it's actually dark outside, and.......CRAP.
No other choice, people. All the lucky mommies at my work have aunties and cousies, and parents who watch their 7 children. We are losers who moved away from our families and thus have no choice.
We searched. We interviewed. Bottom line---we are at the top of our price range and are LITERALLY paying what it would cost to put TWO point five (You heard me, 2.5) freaking kids through Catholic School. It is crazy how much daycare costs.
But hey. This is our baby. I can only fit into rags anyways, so there is no better person to spend our $$ on than Miss Maddy Loo. And her care. =)
I HAD A MUCH HARDER TIME WITH IT THAN I THOUGHT.
I knew this was going to be rough for me......I mean, let's face it: I had spent the last 18 months of my life caring for this kid.....in my tummy, and in my arms. The only time I had ever really left her was when I'd work at night. However she and the rest of the world were sleeping so it was "okay." I just felt very guilty over the fact I was lucky enough to have a job where i COULD stay home. But at what expense? My sanity? My marriage? It wasn't working.
This past week was AWESOME. great for her, great for me. She was cheerful EVERY SINGLE DAY we picked her up and all the teachers say she is "the happiest baby!" I am confident that she won't grow a second head or have behavioral problems her whole life because she had to go to daycare. I am confident she will be "just fine."
So, I was so excited for Saturday. It meant sleeping in, and getting to spend the whole day with my little Bugs Bunny.............
Maddy must have been excited too because she decided to get up at 545 this morning. Sigh.