Cheap Entertainment

With the holidays coming up, I've been a loyal customer for "amazon.com" scouring the latest and greatest on baby toys. Let's face it: I am so out of the loop on what is cool in baby land. "Yo Gabba-Gabba," "Dora the Explorer," "Melissa & Doug Toys." Pretty much foreign language. All I've ever heard is Baby Einstein and Fisher Price. I have visions of sugar plums, Santa, and a happy (6 month old mind you!) as she opens her toys and squeals with excitement that Mommy got her the newest and prettiest Shape Sorting Cube.

No need.

Maddy is obsessed with tags.
TAGS I tell you.

No matter what toy, water bottle, book or shirt she is drooling on-she thinks it's mundane except for the tag.

So in this snail-paced improving economy I say this out of love: Save your money. But save your trash. Maddy's Christmas will be rocked if all she is given are pieces of cardboard, newspaper, sales ads and TAGS.

I guarantee she will love the wrapping paper and bows.

A Big Fat Piece of Humble-Pumpkin Pie.

I am anal.
I know this isn't news to anyone, but I usually never consider myself anal until I realize things are not going as planned. Then I realized during my temper tantrum that I am an anal control freak. Being said, when things don't go as planned it is usually due to HUGE blunders...not just tiny bumps in the road.

I COULD NOT WAIT TO GO TO A PUMPKIN PATCH AS A MOMMY.

Pumkin patch visiting with your baby is probably one of THE most cliche things to do for young mommies my age. Cheesey. Unoriginal. Boring. Dorky.

I COULD NOT WAIT.
Even being pregnant I would think about how Maddy would be at the pumpkin patch..still itty bitty baby but not NEWBORN. This was going to be one of those 'so-proud of my kid' moments for me. Like her first trip to Disney or something.

My parents were here this past weekend and pumpkin patches have been popping up at every church on every corner...not to mention the weather has been gorge. What an ideal time to take baby to her first pumpkin patch. I was so excited.

Here comes the embarrassing part: NO JOKE I went to THREE stores to find Maddy the perfect "Baby's 1st Halloween" Onsie. I know. Lame. LAME. At least I recognize my lameness. But what can I say-I wanted this day to be perfect. A lady at work made Maddy the CUTEST pumpkin hat with black ruffle pants...to go perfect with her Halloween onsie. I was ready.

Excitement in the air, I waited til just before we left the house to put Maddy in her outfit...excited but terrified at the same time. You see, I know Maddy's bowel schedule like the back of my hand. I can almost time her poops. And this particular day it was 1 pm and SHE HAD NOT POOPED YET. This only means one thing. It will be a blow out.

We arrive. The pumpkin patch is ADORABLE. I am almost giddy with dorky, cheesy excitement. I pick up Maddy out of her carseat and we begin to enter. And then. I feel it. On the front of her shirt.

SHE HAD POOPED EVERYWHERE. IT WAS ALL OVER MY SWEATER. IT WAS IN MY HAIR. IT WAS ON MY UNDERSHIRT. IT WAS ALL OVER HER PERFECTLY PLANNED COSTUME. EVERY WHERE.

I almost cried. Not even one stinkin picture. My dream had been destroyed by a 4 month old's poop. Jason lovingly changed her in the back of the jeep while I stripped down to my ratty undershirt (still covered in poop) and moped. Dang.

We took pics anyways. Maddy TOTALLY not matching but it was still adorable. And fun. And I guess I have to look at the bright side and tell myself what I tell my patients when they have an accident. "Hey--at least we know your intestines work."

Basically, I learned Mommy Lesson # 47. Things Never Go As Planned. But hey, if you first don't succeed, try try again. So- Stand by for round # 2 pumpkin patch. Oh yes, we're ganna make it happen. Get ready.

A Dual Purpose Blog: Shout out and Bragging.

Most importantly, I would like to propose a shout out to Sarah O. F. Peters. Without her, my parenting style would most definately be crap. And what little sanity I have left would be gone. And Maddy most DEFINATELY would not have gotten her "liquid gold nourishment" for as long as she has been. Sarie, you've made it to my blog. Middle and maiden initials and all. Can't wait for our little girls to be BFFAEAEAEAE's. just like their mamma's =).

BRAG TIME:

Maddy totally goes down in her crib on her own and puts herself to sleep. It took 1 day. Sure, it's not 100% effective yet. Sometimes it takes a couple of "putting paci back in her mouth" tries, but it works. I am obsessed. Greatest idea EVER. Why the H did I spend 30 minutes EVERY NAP TIME rocking that fighter to sleep?!!

That's pretty much my update. We're going on 2 weeks of this and it's been bliss.

Sarie: The blanket Gray gave maddy? Totally her "teddy bear" when falling asleep. She's like Linus w/ that blanket.




BABIES!

Love = Forgiveness.

I will publically admit it.
I gained 38 pounds when pregnant with Maddy.
I totally lied in the delivery room.

The nurse gave me a form ( a form?!) with "pre-preggo weight" and "current weight" spots. WHAT?! Seriously, what American-bred (vain) woman is going to answer the honest truth on either one of those lines?! So, what did I do? I lied for both of them. I made myself skinnier before I got pregnant, and attempted to make myself skinnier at the current time. So sue me. You're still getting paid. And you probably won't look at my answers. So shut up. It's making me feel better as this almost 8 pound baby is pressing against my cervix. She's the size of a watermelon, so I can put whatever the h*ll weight I want on that form. On MY floor we actually WEIGH the patients. You slackers.

The thing I love most about where I work is the familiarity I have with my patients, and that they have with me. As an Oncology *cancer* nurse, I really, really develop relationships with my patients being that they constantly are being hospitalized through out their illness. I had the privilage the other night of caring for a patient I knew WELL before I even got pregnant. I love this man. And he loves me. But it's totally "tough love." We bicker. We fight. But we love each other. =)
Even though he refers to me as "Nurse Ratchet," (from 'One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest') he won't take any other nurse when he knows I'm coming in that night. I've known this guy since BEFORE I was pregnant, in fact TRYING to get pregnant.

This is our TRUE conversation.

HIM: "Hey Steph. Got any new pics of Maddy?"
(**I show him pics).**
ME: "Isn't she so cute and chubby?!! I just love her!"
HIM: "She sure is. She takes after her mother. Hahah! Just kidding."
ME: "Thanks a lot you brat. I'm going to come in on the hour every hour to draw 'blood work.'"
HIM: "Just kidding! How much do you have left to lose? 15 pounds?"
ME: "Ummm...NO. Thanks. 12 pounds."
HIM: "That's practically 15. Remember when you were trying to get super skinny for Hawaii? You only had 5 pounds left to lose."
ME: "Thanks for reminding me. At least I lost it. You didn't think I could lose that last 5 pounds."
HIM: "And I don't think you can lose this last 15."
ME: "WHAT?! How rude. I will lose it. Just wait and see."
HIM: "I discouraged you the whole time before Hawaii, didn't I? And you lost it. Then what happened? You got pregnant and gained 40 pounds."
ME: ****Silence..........**** "Yea, but I've already lost 25. So leave me alone."
HIM: "I'm just saying....Watch out or you might get pregnant again and gain 60 pounds. Plus the extra 15 you're holding on to."

This is a typical relationship with my patients. Is this professional?
Bottom Line:
I love Maddy. Chubby mommy or not. =)

Newest Catholic on the Block

Our Baby Love 'aint no sinner no more. This past Sunday little Maddy Lou was baptized...and her momma was so proud!
It was an interesting day for me at least emotionally....I was more proud of Maddy at that point that I probably had ever been of her. More proud than when people met her for the first time, than when her belly button fell off, than when she smiled for the first time, than when she first rolled over. I was most proud of Maddy on this day and she didn't even know what was going on. And didn't choose to be baptized. But I was still so proud.
My mom made the most beautiful gown for Maddy out of my wedding dress...and ended up including satin from HER wedding dress, so Miss Maddy was wearing a most special and beautiful garment. If that's not the coolest thing you've ever heard than I don't know what is.

Of course, as luck would have it, Maddy was GREAT during church. A perfect little angel. And of course, when it was time to start the baptism she turned into a helliun. FUSSY. DEFIANT. CRANKY. SQUIRMY. TOTALLY EMBARASSING. And of course, we were "sharing" the baptism with a little boy who was adorable and was acting perfectly. Go figure.

HOWEVER....When it was time to be blessed and baptized, Madelyn calmed down as if she knew the moment had arrived and calmly and cutefully became a little Catholic girl. And this mommy's heart swelled and swelled and I was so happy to be holding her for her first sacrament.

We had a fun and great party at our house afterwards and I think Maddy had a good time too....especially when she sh*t EVERYWHERE and it exploded out of her pants, got ALL over the floor, all over Jason's shirt, and exploded all over his pants. Seriously, it was the biggest poop she had ever pooped in her life, and it was covering her grossed-out daddy more than she had ever covered us before. Hilarious. And in front of everyone. But seriously. And practically all who read this blog were there, so you know I'm not exaggerating =)

It was the perfect example of our little girl's attitude and humor. She is a nut, and I love her.
That's it for now...off to play with my 3 month old BFF =)

Practically Grown

This is going to be short and sweet..........Maddy rolled over today for the first time ever...From back to tummy...she is a big girl now and we hardly know what to do with her now that she can practically vote and take out loans. We were total dorks and texted everyone we knew including the realtor we used 1.5 years ago. So what? Maybe she'd like to know too.

Another "Firsts" in Maddy's book: She went to the beach this past weekend for the first time.

She hated it. It's on video to torment her when she's older and begging us to go to the beach. We'll just tell her that she hates the water (per video) and she should study instead of lay out.

Here's proof of not only her cuteness but her busy activities:

Weird.

The last time I had my hair done was right before Maddy was born.
Getting my hair done is one of my guilty pleasures. Every time I pay the rediculous bill, I convince myself it's part of my "professional appearance; no one wants a nurse who looks disheveled. If she can't take care of herself, how can she take care of you?"
I don't get my nails done.
I don't buy clothes or jewelry.
I don't buy new purses or shoes.
This is it, people.
Deoderant and hair.

Besides, I wanted to look "put together" for the pics right after Maddy came into the world. Like having a baby is no big deal.
Yea right.
I ended up looking like a raccoon who had been run over twice with a mutilated rat atop its head.
Pretty much my every day look.

Anyways, today I made a hair appointment. I LOVE getting my hair done and yes...she is 11 weeks old which means it's probably been 12+ weeks since I've had my hair done. Scandalous.

This was my first experience scheduling something with a kid...to which she could not attend. And it was weird. I couldn't do ANY of my hairdresser's times! (Jason will be working, Becky will be in class, I will be getting ready for night shift).

I almost told the receptionist to "forget it" and hung up the phone. Then I caught a glimpse of my 6 inch roots and decided I wanted to at least look professional for my patients with "up-kept hair." So I decided to sacrifice my sleep after work next week and go (what sleep anyways? I probably wont even notice my fatigue). And I thought "I will have to find a baby sitter." Weirdest thought EVER.

And for the record: this appointnment is AFTER I begin work again. My patients are going to be scared of the leaking, crabby nurse with horrible roots. Who hasn't inserted an IV or catheter or removed staples or a PICC line, done chest compressions, or packed a wound in 3 months.
Ha.

Too bad reviews are next month. I'm sure I'll get a great raise.

Did I mention I am behind going to the dentist also?


Off to watch my kid almost roll over. Sniff.